Help.
Shipping, returns, sizing and the fine print. Short, because you have better things to do.
Shipping
Every Petty Goods item is printed to order. We don't keep shelves full of stock, so each piece is made fresh after you order it.
Production: most orders are printed within 2 to 7 business days.
Shipping: $6 flat in the United States, free on orders over $50. Standard delivery usually takes 3 to 7 business days after your order ships. You'll get a tracking number by email as soon as it's on the way.
Holiday orders: order by December 10 for standard delivery before Christmas. Orders placed after that may arrive after the holiday.
Multiple items: different products may be printed at different facilities, so your order can arrive in more than one package.
Address errors: double check your address at checkout. We can't redirect packages once they've shipped, and returned packages from a wrong address may need a reshipping fee.
Returns
Since every item is made just for you, we don't accept returns or exchanges for change of mind or wrong size. Check the size guide before you order.
If we messed up, we'll fix it. If your item arrives damaged, misprinted or defective, contact us within 30 days of delivery with your order number and a photo of the problem. We'll send a free replacement or a full refund, your choice.
Lost packages: if tracking shows no movement for 10 business days, contact us and we'll sort it out.
Size guide
Tees (Comfort Colors 1717). Unisex relaxed fit. Inches, can vary by up to 1.5.
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width | 18.25 | 20.25 | 22 | 24 | 26 | 27.75 | 29.75 |
| Length | 26.62 | 28 | 29.37 | 30.75 | 31.62 | 32.5 | 33.5 |
| Sleeve | 16.25 | 17.75 | 19 | 20.5 | 21.75 | 23.25 | 24.5 |
Hoodies (Gildan 18500). Unisex, roomy. Inches.
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | 5XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width | 20 | 22 | 24 | 26 | 28 | 30 | 32 | 34 |
| Length | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 |
Ugly sweaters run true to size, 2XS to 6XL. Between sizes? Go up. Pet bandanas: Small 20 x 10 in fits most small to medium dogs, Large 27 x 13 in fits medium to big dogs. Fitted cap: S/M fits 6 3/4 to 7 1/4, L/XL fits 7 1/4 to 7 5/8.
The fine print
Petty Goods sells products with adult language and humor. By using this site and placing an order, you confirm you're at least 18 years old.
Our products are meant as jokes. Please gift responsibly. We're not responsible for the reaction at Thanksgiving.
All designs, artwork and text on this site belong to Petty Goods and can't be copied or resold without written permission.
Prices and availability can change without notice. If a pricing error happens, we'll contact you before your order is printed.
Privacy: checkout runs on Shopify. Read the privacy policy.