Funny Snarky Gifts for People Who Keep Score | Petty Goods
Order by Dec 10 for Christmas Printed & shipped from the USA Free shipping over $50 Buy 3+ and save 15%
PETTY GOODS.

The Christmas shop is open · Order by Dec 10

A very petty Christmas.

Christmas tees, cozy hoodies, and the funniest baby onesies in the family. Printed to order in the USA. Order by Dec 10 to get it under the tree.

Shop Christmas tees Shop baby onesies
The Favorite. Obviously. Christmas tee The Favorite. Obviously.$35 Milk. Naps. Presents. baby onesie Milk. Naps. Presents.$28 Tiny and Petty. baby onesie Tiny and Petty.$28
Printed in the USA
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Order by Dec 10 for Christmas

Order by Dec 10 ·

Christmas tees

Not Santa teeNot Santa. Sit on My Lap.$35Christmas tee · Comfort ColorsThe Favorite. Obviously. teeThe Favorite. Obviously.$35Christmas tee · Comfort ColorsVoted Most Likely to Leave Early. teeVoted Most Likely to Leave Early.$35Christmas tee · Comfort ColorsI Read the List. I Stand By It. teeI Read the List. I Stand By It.$35Christmas tee · Comfort ColorsFamily. Allegedly. teeFamily. Allegedly.$35Christmas tee · Comfort ColorsHere for the Snacks. Staying for the Drama. teeHere for the Snacks. Staying for the Drama.$35Christmas tee · Comfort ColorsJingle Juice Is the Only Reason I'm Here. teeJingle Juice Is the Only Reason I'm Here.$35Christmas tee · Comfort ColorsNice. Conditions Apply. teeNice. Conditions Apply.$35Christmas tee · Comfort Colors

Ugly sweaters

Ho Ho No ugly sweaterHo Ho No$65Ugly sweater · 2XS to 6XLTis the Season to Be Petty ugly sweaterTis the Season to Be Petty$65Ugly sweater · 2XS to 6XL

New: tiny and petty

Baby onesies

Soft Bella+Canvas one-pieces for the smallest troublemaker. The funniest baby shower gift in the room. $28.

Milk. Naps. Presents. baby onesieMilk. Naps. Presents.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasCute Enough to Get Away With It. baby onesieCute Enough to Get Away With It.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasThe Reason Everyone's Here. baby onesieThe Reason Everyone's Here.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasI Run This House. baby onesieI Run This House.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasTiny and Petty. baby onesieTiny and Petty.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasProfessional Nap Dodger. baby onesieProfessional Nap Dodger.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasSpit Happens. baby onesieSpit Happens.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasNew Here. Already Judging. baby onesieNew Here. Already Judging.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasThe Reason You're Tired. baby onesieThe Reason You're Tired.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasMilk Drunk. baby onesieMilk Drunk.$28Baby onesie · Bella+CanvasCertified Troublemaker. Est. 2026. baby onesieCertified Troublemaker. Est. 2026.$28Baby onesie · Bella+Canvas

The tee shop

Everyday tees

Soft Comfort Colors tees for the office, the group chat and everyone who means well. $35, printed to order.

Per My Last Email. teePer My Last Email.$357 colorsNot Today. Probably Not Tomorrow Either. teeNot Today. Probably Not Tomorrow Either.$357 colorsToday's Forecast: 100% Chance of Nope. teeToday's Forecast: 100% Chance of Nope.$357 colorsI Look Like I Care. I Don't. teeI Look Like I Care. I Don't.$357 colorsWorld's Okayest Coworker. teeWorld's Okayest Coworker.$357 colorsI'm Not Arguing. I'm Explaining Why I'm Right. teeI'm Not Arguing. I'm Explaining Why I'm Right.$357 colorsProfessionally Unbothered. teeProfessionally Unbothered.$357 colorsI Came. I Saw. I Left Early. teeI Came. I Saw. I Left Early.$357 colorsThis Meeting Could've Been a Text. teeThis Meeting Could've Been a Text.$357 colorsBless Your Heart. (Not a Compliment.) teeBless Your Heart. (Not a Compliment.)$357 colorsI Have Opinions. You Have Been Warned. teeI Have Opinions. You Have Been Warned.$357 colorsSmiling Because It's Polite. Leaving Because It's 5. teeSmiling Because It's Polite. Leaving Because It's 5.$357 colorsI'm the Reason There's a Group Chat Without You. teeI'm the Reason There's a Group Chat Without You.$357 colors

New: the hoodie rack

Christmas hoodies

Same lines you love, now on a soft heavyweight fleece. Dark Heather, Black and Navy. $50, printed to order.

The Favorite. Obviously. hoodieThe Favorite. Obviously.$50Hoodie · 3 colorsVoted Most Likely to Leave Early. hoodieVoted Most Likely to Leave Early.$50Hoodie · 3 colorsI Read the List. I Stand By It. hoodieI Read the List. I Stand By It.$50Hoodie · 3 colorsFamily. Allegedly. hoodieFamily. Allegedly.$50Hoodie · 3 colorsHere for the Snacks. Staying for the Drama. hoodieHere for the Snacks. Staying for the Drama.$50Hoodie · 3 colorsJingle Juice Is the Only Reason I'm Here. hoodieJingle Juice Is the Only Reason I'm Here.$50Hoodie · 3 colorsNice. Conditions Apply. hoodieNice. Conditions Apply.$50Hoodie · 3 colors

Hi, we're Petty Goods

A small shop with a big mouth.

We make funny, slightly petty gifts for people who love someone enough to roast them. Every tee is printed to order in the USA on soft Comfort Colors cotton. Nothing sits in a warehouse and nothing goes to waste.

We're small. Like, really small. This started at a kitchen table not long ago, and right now it's a tiny crew packing orders by hand. When you buy something, a real person actually celebrates. We're not kidding.

So thank you for taking a chance on us. It means more than you know.

We're just getting started. Check back soon for New Year's Eve gear, then Valentine's Day, and plenty more reasons to be a little petty all year.